Observing yourself from the inside probably sounds like “Greek” to most people and they have no clue that it is vital in building good relationships. The average person simply never thinks of what is ‘inside themselves’ since they are focused on what is going on around them on the ‘outside.’
Self-Awareness is another expression that is foreign to most of humanity. For the most part they believe that those who seek self-awareness belong in the category of monks living high on a mountain in the Himalayas, meditating and chanting day after day.
If the act of taking the time to truly look inward and begin the journey of self-awareness and reflection seems weird and a waste of time, perhaps you can give it some thought and put forward the effort to learn how to begin a whole new quest to figure out what makes you tick.
You may feel your relationships are just fine and you’re happy as a clam-so what do those around you believe and what kind of feedback do you get?
Most people aren’t used to or comfortable with the thought of observing themselves. Contemplation of your prevailing thoughts, your feelings, reactions from spouses, partners or other relationships never seem to enter the minds of the average person.
Going on dates, beginning a new relationship or moving into a more serious area where you decide to make the relationship more formal than casual, people go through all the regular ups and downs. They move through all the regular motions and face the difficulties and challenges that are the norm, and if the relationship hits the skids they move on to the next.
It’s always easy to blame the other person for the failure of the relationship and justify why it didn’t work out instead of looking inward, making an effort to understand what role you played in the failure of the partnership.
Observe and Report
Do some research and find a book, a CD or DVD from a well-known person who is an expert in self-improvement or self-awareness and use the information to discover how to ‘go within.’ Begin your quest to awaken your hidden knowledge of who you are and why you react to certain things and people, what triggers negative reactions from you and how to learn to relax and flow through challenges.
Whether it’s a person or something else that pushes your emotional buttons it doesn’t matter. The importance of self-discovery is how to move to a place of non-reaction and detachment from things that cause you problems in relationships.
It’s amazing to have the tools to actually look inside yourself and observe how and why you react to certain things both positive and negative and learn how to simply let things pass and deal with challenges on a completely different level.
The most successful and happy people understand the concept and use it to their benefit. People look at them as ‘together’ and view them as wise, actualized and someone they respect.
Begin observing your inner-self and start writing in a journal each and every time you observe your reactions both positive and negative and what each situation was that brought about those reactions. Herein lies ‘your report.’
Each day go back and read what you did, how you reacted and how different the outcome was by not participating in the drama of each moment and you might even make a note of how you would have behaved before you began walking on your path of being a more evolved human being.
Pretend to Be Someone Else
Act as if you are a totally disinterested third party, observing and taking notes. Perhaps you could tell yourself you’re writing this ‘other persons’ life story and you’re being as objective and on-point as possible.
While you’re doing this, try to remember as much history of your relationships and partners as you can. Write this down too.
As you observe and look inward, pay close attention to your feelings, thoughts, belief-system, attitudes, behavior patterns and reactions.
Make sure you include all interactions with others including those you’ve dated, long-term relationships if you’ve had any and what moments may have created the end of the friendship or partnership.
If you’re single and none of your relationships came even close to culminating in a marriage, look closely at your part in self-sabotage and that of your relationships.
Self-observation could almost be considered an art form. Not everyone has what it takes to begin the journey, let alone continue on until they succeed at taking responsibility for that part they’ve played in every failed relationship.
It’s not pretty to look closely at yourself and step up and tell yourself “I did this to wreck that relationship and I’m going to do better.”
It takes a mature person to be honest and sincere with themselves concerning their behavior. There is no right or wrong here and understanding and recognizing your shortcomings doesn’t make you a ‘bad person.’
It takes a strong and determined individual who is willing to do the work and repair their own emotional feelings that sabotage every opportunity they get that could lead to a happy, fun and secure relationship.
A little work on yourself can take you on a wonderful and fulfilling journey to finding the perfect person if that is what you desire. That work can also improve your relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
Where to Begin Observing
1. You can start by observing yourself in various interactions you may have with a partner or spouse if you are currently in a relationship.
2. Go back in your mind and observe past confrontations or interactions with former partners then recreate (in your mind) the specific events that transpired through each interaction. This would include attitudes, feelings, conversations, behaviors and how you reacted in each situation.
How do you present yourself? What do you observe in your behavior? Do you come across as arrogant, cocky or do you take over every conversation, not allowing the other person to get a word in at all?
Are you considerate of the other person’s feelings by not talking about past relationships and dump all your drama in their laps? Do you expect too much, too soon? There are actually those who are so needy they expect their date to almost make a commitment to them after their first meeting!
Never present yourself as either a bragging, egotistical know it all or a needy, clinging victim who so obviously wants to be with someone you scare the other person away.
Ask Yourself Some Questions
Am I “real” with my partners or dates?
Do I agree and comply with their wishes just to make them happy?
How insecure am I and what is my level of self-esteem?
Can I be alone without falling apart? These are some questions to ask yourself but you can think of many, many more.
Write down the questions then completely flesh out the answers on paper so you can go back and read what you’ve written. It will give you lots of insight as to what is going on inside your head. Be specific and don’t be afraid of honesty.
Until you ‘get’ what’s going on inside your head, it will be impossible in building good relationships that you truly desire.